"Tell children their bad moment isn't their identity When a child says 'I'm a bad kid,' Dr. LePera validates the host's instinct to respond 'you're a good kid having a bad moment,' calling it 'a beautiful, powerful, continued reminder.' She explains that a child's developing brain is in an egocentric stage where it assigns all parental reactions to itself, so explicitly separating behavior from identity 'begins to separate the shame that will develop if we're not told' it had nothing to do with them. Adults can apply the same reframe to themselves: a bad reaction does not define who you are. Source: Dr. Nicole LePera, MindBody Green Podcast, Dr. Nicole LePera on Reparenting Yourself"